Goal Setting Versus Eliminating Pain
It’s funny. I used to have a lot of trouble writing out goals. It wasn’t that I was such a slacker that I didn’t want to accomplish anything, it’s just that I’ve always found myself easier to motivate by pain than by pleasure.
As you already know, people only have two motivations for doing anything: pleasure or pain. They either do it because of the pleasure they’ll receive or they do it to avoid pain. If you’ve done any copywriting, you know pain is usually the much stronger motivator of the two. If someone is in pain right now, they will do whatever it takes to get rid of that pain.
Prevention is a very tough sale, but people will beat a path to your door if you can cure them of pain.
I originally started my online business because the situation I was in was so painful. Having creditors calling you all the time is painful. Barely paying the rent on a $340 a month rental house with leaks in the ceiling is painful. Not being able to even take your wife out to eat is painful.
I hated where I was at and I was motivated to change my situation. This meant I was willing to do what it took to succeed online. I studied. I tested. I refused to quit no matter what, because the pain of where I was motivating me and pushing me forward.
It’s quite interesting when you look around sometimes and see just how many people who are successful in business were at the bottom of the barrel before. And you’ll find many achieved success to stick it in someone else’s face who doubted them (no that one does not apply to me).
It seems those who just want to earn a little extra money online or those that like the idea of running their own business don’t have nearly the success rate of those who have some pain motivating them to take massive action online.
Yet, once I was successful, I found it much harder to set goals. They simply didn’t motivate me, at least not as well as pain. You may have a similar experience. You find it easy to do whatever it takes to get out of pain, but taking action to achieve greater pleasure just isn’t all that easy to focus on.
Many people make New Year’s resolutions, but how many really follow through on them? They set goals, but they don’t reach them.
It’s likely they’re similar to me in that they’re motivated much stronger by pain than by pleasure.
Setting goals comes under the pleasure motivation. You’re looking to improve your life by the goals you reach…whether it’s to make more money, lose weight, or increase your time off. Those are all pleasure motivations.
So I went looking for way to turn the tables. One method you can use is to announce to others your goals. This is to set yourself up for pain if you don’t reach those goals. You’ll look stupid in front of everyone you told about your goals.
Another one is to turn it around and focus on removing the “tolerations” and “problems” in your life instead of just focusing on goals. Write down everything that’s causing you pain in your life. How can you eliminate it or change how it affects you? What actions will you take immediately to change each situation?
Below is a worksheet I’ve used with coaching clients in the past to help them identify areas they can work on.
Click here to download my FREE Tolerations Worksheet…
You know how to tolerate a lot of problems in your life. You put up with and are dragged down by other people’s behaviors, situations, unmet needs, frustrations, and problems. You even put up with your own bad behavior at times! Take a few minutes to write down all the things you’re tolerating in your life.
Just becoming aware of these tolerations will allow you to begin handling and eliminating them. There is room to write down each item you’re tolerating and the action you can take to eliminate this toleration. On the second page are a few ideas you can look over to help you with your list.
Related Entries:- What Happens When Goal Setting Doesn’t Work?
- What Are you Tolerating in Your Life?
- 5 Coaching Questions That Will Change Your Life
- Regina Baker Asks How Do You Stay The Course
- How to Set Goals
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8 Responses to “Goal Setting Versus Eliminating Pain”
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Hello Terry
(Not trying to contradict you here, just trying to elucidate a different type of personality.)
Eliminating pain may motivate many people but it doesn’t really work for me and I suspect many others.
When the stress becomes too high for too long I tend to seize up. The muscles of my body literally lock up and it is physically painful to move.
There is a theory, I forget who it belongs to, that the average person can only hold 7 plus or minus two thoughts in their mind at one time. Under stress I find this can drop to 5 or 3 or even lower–not a good functioning state.
After many years of trying to change my personality to be like others because it is considered to be the more successful strategy as enumerated by experts I find it a total waste of time, and have come to the conclusion it is better just to acknowledge my own strengths as well as limitations.
Just as certain types of birds–was it eagles, hawks?–would not nest in a stressful environment, certain types of people don’t function well in them either.
For people like myself, I need a certain amount of security and stability to function well and or creatively.
Having said this, I don’t wish my personality to be misunderstood. I have always been willing to take risks other people were afraid of–not necessarily a good thing. It is not that I am fearless it is that I can’t stand to wait, to be in a state of ongoing suspense or suspension. The hawk or eagle may not be willing to nest but they still swoop down in a second.
I apologize if I have made that seem too melodramatic. I am just trying to describe a different sort of psychological state that becomes even more impatient under stress, when what is needed to function long term and implement a long term strategy is a certain calmness and patience. I already have enough impatience of my own without adding more from pain elimination.
What works for me as a motivator, once I have calmness and basic security covered, aside from fun and intellect which are my greatest motivators, is basic goal setting, or daily quota setting, perhaps sometimes with rewards, such as when finished can listen to music or read or go for a walk, or eat chocolate or take a rest.
Years ago working with young labrador retrievers that loved to retrieve but did not wish to return the retrieved dummy to me, I found it wasn’t too difficult to get them to do so if I threw into a dead end narrow area which meant if they wanted to run they had to return to me. I use the same principle with myself.
Fear of pain I leave to those instantaneous life or death situations I suspect we have all been in, where it is appropriate to act quickly perhaps instantaneously or creatively without a lot of thought.
For creative or productive endeavors I find I have to be calmer and much more methodical.
Hi Ryan,
No problem at all. Part of my post was to demonstrate we have different motivating factors…and I’m one of the personalities that plain old goal setting doesn’t work for me. I simply don’t care about the goal and it doesn’t motivate me very long at all when it is on it’s own. Without the pain motivation in there somewhere, the goal is next to worthless for me…just like many others.
There are different personalities and motivations.
And you’ll also notice I was talking about eliminating the pain and stress in your life…not adding more to it. Find out what’s causing you pain right now…already…and “set a goal” of eliminating that pain by taking specific actions.
Interesting debate and one that I was planning to discuss on my Business Coaching Blog.
This pain/gain issue can be a real conundrum.
Much of the sales training materials that I review focuses on stimulating the pain so that the motivation to do something (and buy) is stronger than the motivation to do nothing.
It seems that experience shows that it works much more effectively than trying to move someone who is feeling OK and trying to motivate them to spend money or time so that they move to a better position.
I can certainly understand that viewpoint but many times, people already know that they are in pain and are desperate for a solution. Glorifying in the pain for these people doesn’t work. As Ryan says, it increases the stress levels and makes people more apprehensive and unsure of themselves.
These people need to be lead to the benefits. They are motivated already but need to be assured that the solution leads to gain and not more pain in terms of wasted time, money and an extended period of suffering.
I also read somewhere that people sold on relieving pain felt less good about their purchases and their frequency of repurchasing was much lower than someone who buys into the benefits.
As backend sales are the key to profitability in many businesses, selling on pain could win the battle of the transaction but lose the relationship war.
It is definitely an interesting subject and now that I am starting to crystalize my thought, there is even more chance of a “pain v gain” article on the Business Coaching Blog in the next week or so.
Thanks for bringing up the topic Terry and I do connect with your views on goal setting.
When you are comfortable, stretch goals seem to be so much effort. Still worthwhile doing though and for certain personality types I like the idea of focusing on the pain of failure. That’s why I like people to share their goals with their family and friends. Telling someone else about your goals seems to be much more of a commitment than keeping them private.
Thanks Terry and Paul for your responses to my comment.
These ones really fit:
From Terry, “And you’ll also notice I was talking about eliminating the pain and stress in your life…not adding more to it. Find out what’s causing you pain right now…already…and “set a goal” of eliminating that pain by taking specific actions.”
Yes, this is a key issue which I did rather miss: “Eliminating pain that already exists.”
From Paul, “I can certainly understand that viewpoint but many times, people already know that they are in pain and are desperate for a solution. Glorifying in the pain for these people doesn’t work. As Ryan says, it increases the stress levels and makes people more apprehensive and unsure of themselves.
These people need to be lead to the benefits. They are motivated already but need to be assured that the solution leads to gain and not more pain in terms of wasted time, money and an extended period of suffering.
I also read somewhere that people sold on relieving pain felt less good about their purchases and their frequency of repurchasing was much lower than someone who buys into the benefits.”
All these paragraphs of Paul seem true to me but I strongly suspect the last paragraph is very true.
Ryan
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For me, I am more motivated by relieving pain.
I suspect most entrepreneurs are Myers-Briggs ENTJ or INTJ personality types, for which material gain is not much of a motivator.
I suspect fewer entrepreneurs in the SF category (Sensory/Feeling), but SF personality types are probably more motivated by gain or pleasure.
It really depends on how you are hard-wired as a person.
Even though NT (Intuitive/Thinking) personality types are less common, I believe they make up the majority of entrepreneurs. SF types are more common, but are not drawn to self-employment or starting businesses as strongly.
-Ryan M. Healy
The pain/gain issue is really the heart of social progress, isn’t it. I like your toleration worksheet. I was trained as a child that all it takes to get your goals done is to work another hour , or work a little harder. If I can use the worksheet for my customers’ pain, I might get somewhere with them. If I use it to address my own pain, I might feel less pain myself (and maybe be less of a pain to others??).